theresa (xxparabola) wrote in rockin_couples,

  • Music:

you were walking so peculiar like you have something to hide

Last night I had a dream in regards to Dillan. I woke up and it kind of frightened me.

I found myself on a grey dark street. It was raining and the only thing you could hear was the sound of rain. The sky was almost black and everything was so dark. The only colors you could see were blacks and greys and that blue overtone a very rainy day has. Sitting outside in a street, or maybe a sidewalk, curled up was Dillan. He was just sitting there getting rained on. I saw his brother with him, almost trying to console him. But his brother left and walked away.

I approached him sitting there and I knew he was in pain. I assume it was over a fight with his mom or something. I saw him and my heart shattered. I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn't tell me what had happened. I wanted to know so bad so I could fix it, so I could make everything better. Then I realized there was nothing I could do, and there was nothing I could do to change what had happened. It broke my heart.

I don't remember if I held him and I don't remember if I kissed him. All I remember was this terrible wretched feeling inside me from watching the boy I loved suffering so bad, and taking his pain like it was my own. I remember screaming inside my head why something so beautiful should have to suffer like this.

I woke up overwhelmed by how deep that dream felt. And I think that's when I finally understood how much I love him.
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